Who You're Not
by Alexia Eve
Summary: Everyone wants what they can't have.
1. 1 - Faith

pShe didn't break out of jail. /p  
  
pNot exactly. /p  
  
pBreaking is a little bit of a stretch. /p  
  
pBreaking involves violence. /p  
  
pShe merely utilized persuasion. /p  
  
pIf her form of persuasion involved bending a metal pole in half with her bare hands, so be it. /p  
  
pShe'd been loosening it for weeks, not to mention working out. /p  
  
pPrisons have good facilities. /p  
  
pThey helped. /p  
  
pThe idea of getting back to Sunnydale helped, too. /p  
  
pShe was on the side of the good guys. /p  
  
pShe wasn't doing any atoning in a prison cell. /p  
  
pAtoning would have to begin at home. /p 


	2. 2 - Spike

pHe stubbed his cigarette out against the hard brick wall. He held it there, lightly smoldering, until it left a mark./p  
  
pGot to leave your mark on the world somehow. /p  
  
pViolence was out; mayhem was out. Sodding chip somehow managed to take care of the fun stuff. A good, old-fashioned massacre was out of the question. /p  
  
pAnd her. He wouldn't do it because of her. /p  
  
pLove? Love didn't leave a mark on the world. /p  
  
pLove was something that caused your insides to cave in, that caused you to vomit until your drunken joviality was drowned out by the stench of rotted beef and blinding rage before you'd even made your way into hangover territory. /p  
  
pLove was what got you rejected. /p  
  
pCigarettes were pretty much his only pleasure in life. /p  
  
pHe lit another cigarette. /p  
  
pIt was barely nine o'clock. /p  
  
pIt was already a long night. /p 


	3. 3 - Faith

pShe figured that with the police on her ass already, one more little violation wouldn't really matter. /p  
  
pSo robbing the store didn't bother her too much. /p  
  
pShe didn't kick open the window or the door. /p  
  
pShe kicked at the alarm. It sparked, disconnected, fell. /p  
  
pGood job, Faith. /p  
  
pNow she yanked hard at the door, opening it. /p  
  
pYou don't know your own strength. /p  
  
pOh, but she did. /p  
  
pShe stripped the mannequin from the window before realizing that she would never fit the clothing. /p  
  
pShe grabbed new clothing- leather pants, leather jacket, white wife beater- and left her prison uniform folded in a neat pile next to a stack of spiked bracelets. /p  
  
pShe left the mannequin lying on the floor like a corpse, staring with pupilless eyes at the ceiling without blinking, smiling without lips, nippleless breasts perking straight up, blonde wig still perfectly coiffed. /p  
  
pShe bit her lip before doing what was possibly the stupid thing she'd ever done. /p  
  
pShe redressed the mannequin and took it with her. /p 


	4. 4 - Spike

pHe wasn't happy with the word crypt. /p  
  
pIt just wasn't the vibe he was trying to pull off anymore. /p  
  
pNo one thought he was evil. He kept insisting, but no one bought it anymore, frankly. /p  
  
pThe other day, at Willy's, he had actually been told he'd reached his limit. /p  
  
pHe didn't have a limit. He was William the fucking Bloody! /p  
  
p "What are you going to do?" Willy had asked. "Bite me?" /p  
  
pHe hadn't had an answer. /p  
  
p "You're drunk enough. Go home." /p  
  
pTo his crypt? /p  
  
pOnly scary things had crypts. /p  
  
pHe couldn't even scare Anya. /p  
  
pHe needed a new name for his crypt. /p  
  
pThat, or a new reputation. /p 


	5. 5 - Faith

pFiguring that she couldn't get much more jail time than for multiple murders and robbing an expensive leather store, she opted for some grand theft auto. /p  
  
pIt wasn't a new car. It wasn't an old car, really, but it was at least a few years old. /p  
  
pIt was an expensive car. /p  
  
pPeople who could own a car like this wouldn't have too many problems buying a new one. /p  
  
pThe car itself wouldn't have sentimental value. /p  
  
pShe left the mix CDs on the curb in a neat pile, in case they did. /p  
  
pShe strapped the mannequin into her passenger seat and checked the glove compartment for odds and ends. /p  
  
pNo license that she could use, but there was registration, not to mention two pairs of sunglasses. /p  
  
pPerfect. /p  
  
pShe put one pair on the mannequin, and put the other on herself. She stared at the ignition for a moment. /p  
  
pShe'd learned to hotwire cars before. /p  
  
pGot it. /p  
  
pAnd go. /p 


	6. 6 - Spike

pHe tore open the bag and began sipping the blood./p  
  
pSymbolic castration was not all it was cracked up to be./p  
  
pHe slipped into game face without much focus, sharp ridges blossoming over smooth natural features, eyebrows retreating under masses of skin./p  
  
pWhen he was a child- way back when, before the term childe had even had a meaning for him, before sodding Anne Rice claimed him and his whole species as her due- he had heard fairy tales from his family. He had tried to carry those into a hobby as a poet, but a stunning lack of talent prevented him from truly gaining notoriety. Still, he remembered the stories of Beauty and the Beast- how, with enough love, the beautiful princess could transform the hideous creature into something she could enjoy./p  
  
pAs a vampire, he'd gotten cynical; could happily say that he'd spent much of the past hundred years thinking about how the only reason the beast was transformed was that interspecies sex was not what they wanted the young children of Paris contemplating./p  
  
pThe young children of Paris could instead contemplate his fangs as they slid effortlessly into young necks./p  
  
pBut that was then, this was now./p  
  
pThe bag empty, he threw it into a corner. It hit the wall and slid to the ground./p 


	7. 7 - Faith

pShe was blasting music./p  
  
pThis, she'd actually paid for; she found a wad of cash- over $500- in the glove compartment. "For emergencies," obviously./p  
  
pWell, she needed some music. That was an emergency./p  
  
pShe was singing along, although "singing" would imply musical talent, which she happily admitted she lacked. She had other skills./p  
  
pShe was the fucking Slayer, man./p  
  
pChoir members need not apply./p  
  
pThe music rattled the car, made her head hurt if she stopped and thought about it. It covered any thoughts she might have had. About anything./p  
  
pNo guilt when you can't think./p  
  
pAt the stop for music, she'd made a few changes. Working quickly and methodically, she'd switched the license plates of half a dozen cars, including her own. She'd siphoned half a tank of gas from a nearby Chevy./p  
  
pShe'd put on some lipstick, and then put some on the mannequin./p  
  
pHarlot./p  
  
pThey were ready to hit Sunnydale in high style./p 


	8. 8 - Spike

pHe swept up the area where the mannequin had sat./P  
  
pThe floor was covered with scraps now, with bits and pieces of all sorts of things- underwear, books, lipstick tubes, stale chocolate, and his personal favorite: a Wonder Woman comic./P  
  
pThe mannequin had been the center of his Buffy collection. She had been gorgeous./P  
  
pOccasionally headless, but gorgeous./P  
  
pHe didn't see what the big deal was, really./P  
  
pHe was just showing affection./P  
  
pWhat did she know, anyway? Drusilla would've been thrilled if he'd put something like this together for her. He could've artfully arranged the bones of the newborns she'd killed with velvet dresses and the occasional china doll.../P  
  
pHe knew love, dammit./P  
  
pWhy didn't she?/P 


	9. 9 - Faith

pIt only took a few hours to get to the 'Dale./p  
  
pIf she'd been thinking straight, she would've crashed at Angel's overnight, but that would have involved talking, and explanations, and she wasn't in the mood for either one./p  
  
pShe didn't get her old room at the motel, but she got a similar one, and for something that looked not at all homelike, it felt like home./p  
  
pShe set the mannequin up in a chair, where it could watch her./p  
  
pShe peeled off her clothing. She could sleep naked- preferred to, in fact./p  
  
pPajamas were for people who couldn't bench-press their own weight./p  
  
pTomorrow she could Bronze it./p  
  
pShe wrapped the leather jacket around the mannequin securely./p  
  
pTonight, she would catch up on her freedom and her rest./p  
  
pBut first, she would make sure the door was double-locked./p 


	10. 10 - Spike

pHe stripped off his clothing./p  
  
pYou can't really sleep well in a duster./p  
  
pIHe/i could, actually, but there was a certain freedom to nothing between your bits and the world but a flimsy sheet./p  
  
pMaybe a succubus would come by for a bit; he could get behind that action./p  
  
pShe might even pretend to be Buffy, if he asked nicely./p  
  
pSure, she'd probably kill him afterwards, but hell, what else was he… well, not living Ifor/i?/p  
  
pHe remembered being evil./p  
  
pThat had been fun. He should work on that./p  
  
pTorture was the romance of the future./p  
  
pHe wondered if Buffy would agree with that./p  
  
pThis love shit was tougher than he'd thought./p  
  
pHe rolled over./p  
  
pLord Fucking Byron never had to deal with this crap./p 


	11. 11 - Faith

pWhen she woke up, it took a while to realize that there were no bars on her windows, that she was in a bed rather than a cot, that no one was going to try to make her their bitch before she introduced them to Mr. Left Fist, Miss Super Strength, and their bastard child, How Many Cigarettes Are You Worth./p  
  
pShe took a cold shower and began to get dressed before she went to check the window and saw that it was nearly sunset./p  
  
pShe hadn't realized how late she'd slept. She wasn't used to not getting woken up at the crack of dawn to comments like "oh my god, Tess just shoved a knife she'd made from the spring under her cot into her gut!"/p  
  
pAnd then it would all come back to her, and she couldn't get back to sleep./p  
  
pShe'd missed everything. She didn't regret it, but she missed it anyway./p  
  
pThey didn't miss her./p  
  
pShe'd thought they might, but when she showed up, fresh out of her coma, she was nothing but a problem to them./p  
  
pNo "Hey, how are you, sorry about that whole nearly-killing-you thing". No "Well, now that Angel's gone, we're okay, right?"/p  
  
pNot even a visit in the hospital. Nothing since before graduation./p  
  
pShe could still feel her warm lips on her forehead./p  
  
pNot that it mattered./p  
  
pShe was just another problem, another thing they'd have to kill./p  
  
pShe didn't need them anymore, she decided as she pulled on her leather jacket, the last item she needed to wear. She had the clothes on her back, the mannequin, and the knowledge of how to kill someone with the underwire to her bra./p  
  
pPrison life was filled with important life skills./p 


	12. 12 - Spike

pHe woke up at the crack of dusk./p  
  
pHe had a busy day planned. No moping and feeling sorry for himself, not today./p  
  
pHe had places to go. People to bite./p  
  
pBuffy to follow./p  
  
pWell, follow or avoid. One or the other./p  
  
pHe remembered the cattle prod./p  
  
pHe remembered the sheer volume of sharp wooden things in Sunnydale./p  
  
p"Avoid it is, then," he muttered as he finished getting dressed./p  
  
pBig day planned./p  
  
pThe Bronze had plenty of people to eat./p  
  
pWell, not for him. But there was plenty of beer, and not as many annoyingly self-righteous demons as at Willy's./p  
  
pGood enough./p 


	13. 13 - Faith

pShe scanned the Bronze carefully. This was where they went; she Iknew/i that. This was where they practically lived, any time she'd seen them. She met them all here. She hung out with them all here./p  
  
pShe came out of a coma, she got into Buffy's body, and where did they go?/p  
  
pThe Bronze./p  
  
pThey spent all of their free time there./p  
  
pSo where were they?/p  
  
pWhere was Xander and his obnoxious girlfriend, Willow and the stuttering lesbian wonder?/p  
  
pWhere was Buffy?/p  
  
pWhere the fuck Iwas/i everyone?/p  
  
pShe didn't recognize a single face./p  
  
pWell- wait. There was one. By the door./p  
  
pPale. Shorter than average height. Swagger he couldn't quite pull off. Bleached blond hair./p  
  
pSpike. /p 


	14. 14 - Spike

pHe was going to play pool, but he'd seen Buffy by the tables one too many times./p  
  
pHe went to the bar instead, and ordered a beer./p  
  
p"New policy," the bartender drawled. "I.D.?"/p  
  
pSpike patted down his pockets./p  
  
pNo, he didn't have I.D./p  
  
pBecause he had been dead for a very long time./p  
  
pHe slid into game face again./p  
  
p"I said, can I have a beer?"/p  
  
pThe bartender stared at him in for a minute./p  
  
p"New policy. I.D."/p  
  
p"What the bloody hell is iwrong/i with you people?" He regained his human guise, frustrated./p  
  
p"It's different in England, then?" the bartender asked. "I've always wanted to go to England. My older sister did a year abroad there, never came back. She said-"/p  
  
pShaking his head, he spun around abruptly, black coat billowing behind him./p  
  
pFucking wanker./p  
  
p"Hey."/p  
  
pHe turned./p  
  
p"What now?" he demanded./p  
  
p"You're Spike." She pushed a few strands of dark hair out of her face. "William the Bloody, am I right?"/p  
  
p"Very astute, Princess." He smirked. "Who are you?"/p  
  
p"Don't you know me?" She grinded against him, ignoring the music that worked against the mood. "I'm your dream."/p  
  
p"I don't dream," he said, willing the images of Buffy out of his head./p  
  
p"You will."/p 


	15. 15 - Faith

pShe couldn't believe this town./p  
  
pNo matter how many things were thrown at it, they stayed nonchalant. Not that it wasn't often a blessing- it made everything from slaying to dark dealings a hell of a lot easier./p  
  
pBut this was just kind of sad./p  
  
pHe was so fucking obvious, and they were all ioblivious/i./p  
  
pNot the vampire thing- that was a given in Sunnydale. Half the town was dead./p  
  
pBut he was walking around with his heart on his sleeve./p  
  
pWhat better time to stake him?/p  
  
pShe walked up and flirted, all calm, all smiling, just enough to set him off-kilter./p  
  
pIt was almost too easy./p  
  
pHe walked with her. She let him believe he was leading, but there wasn't even a question in her mind about the truth./p  
  
p"Do you know who I am?" she asked, a slight smile dancing across her lips./p  
  
pHe pulled a cigarette out of his coat; grabbed another from a man he walked past; lit his new one from the old; tossed the reject at the man he stole it from./p  
  
pShe saw the cigarette butt burning a hole in the Bronze floor./p  
  
pShe smiled./p 


	16. 16 - Spike

p"Frankly," he said, "I have no idea who you are, nor do I particularly care."/p  
  
pHe saw her falter slightly and laughed./p  
  
pYou can't just go out to pick someone up and think you knew everything./p  
  
pHe wondered if the headache would be worth it. This type of girl would probably be perfectly happy with the pain, if he approached it the right way. Would the chip react if she Iwanted/i him to hurt her?/p  
  
pToo bad the chip didn't come with a manual./p  
  
p"You have to know who I am," she said, trying to play it off./p  
  
p"Do I." He smirked./p  
  
p"You're friends with Buffy or whatever, aren't you?" He hesitated, and she pounced. "I can't believe it, you are. What is it, the undead are good enough for her but her friends aren't?"/p  
  
p"You know, I didn't get the script here, so maybe you'd like to fill me in rather than spit at me?" He pointedly stepped a few paces away from her./p  
  
p"Well, you like her, don't you?"/p  
  
p"How'd you find that out?"/p  
  
pShe laughed. "It couldn't possibly be more obvious. Not if you chained her up and started professing personalized love poetry."/p  
  
pIf possible, he went even paler than before. "Who told you about that?"/p 


	17. 17 - Faith

pThere was no way he didn't know her./p  
  
pNo way. The way just didn't exist./p  
  
pShe wasn't just anyone. She wasn't Scott Hope, wasn't Larry, wasn't Jonathan./p  
  
pShe was Faith./p  
  
pShe was important./p  
  
pWasn't she?/p  
  
pShe ignored his obviously high lame-quotient to continue her questioning./p  
  
p"So are you friends with her?"/p  
  
pHe looked at her suspiciously for a moment before nodding. "We get on okay."/p  
  
p"She must have told you about me, then."/p  
  
p"Nothing springs to mind."/p  
  
p"You're close to her, and yet she never bothers mentioning that some crazy chick with super strength wanted to cut her into little tiny pieces and feed her to her boy toy?"/p  
  
p"She doesn't ihave/i a boy toy," he growled./p  
  
pOoh, soft spot. "Well, she did then. Dark hair, kinda not happy with the dark… think he answers to the name of Sire?"/p  
  
p"Fucking bitch…" he muttered./p  
  
p"What, she didn't tell you? Not a word when you were alone in Sunnydale, all chipped up and no place to go? Not even when she was coming onto you right about… oh, say here?" She knocked on the wall behind her for emphasis./p  
  
p"How'd you know about that?" he demanded./p  
  
p"Funny you'd ask that." She smirked. She could hear his footsteps echo behind hers as she slipped out the exit./p 


	18. 18 - Spike

pHe remembered now, albeit vaguely./p  
  
pHe remembered an alley, a conversation, blowing off the Watcher and the teenager without so much as a gasp./p  
  
pSomeone else trying to kill Buffy?/p  
  
pYou don't fucking say./p  
  
pHe figured she'd be a decent person to hang out with in this hellhole./p  
  
pHe never thought she'd be such a bitch./p  
  
p"Where do you get off like this?" he demanded./p  
  
p"Typically in my room, but if you're really good, I'll let you go ahead right here," she said without pausing./p  
  
pHe was really beginning to hate her./p  
  
p"So you're a Slayer," he said casually./p  
  
p"The Chosen," she agreed, unable to keep the pride out of her voice./p  
  
p"No, iBuffy's/i the Chosen. You're a mistake."/p  
  
p"And you're impotent," she reminded him./p  
  
p"I've eaten two of your kind. I had more power than you've even dreamed of." He smiled, perversely proud of himself./p  
  
pNot perversely. This was how he was supposed to be./p  
  
pGo, evil. Grr./p  
  
p"But you've never had her. So what does it really matter, anyway?" She flounced off, disappearing into the mean streets of Sunnydale./p  
  
pDespite himself, he hurried to catch up./p 


	19. 19 - Faith

pThey had walked almost two blocks before she spoke. She knew he'd been behind her the entire time, so she hadn't bothered to turn and check on him or measure his progress. He would follow her./p  
  
pThey always did./p  
  
pThey were somehow in the middle of a graveyard, which in any other town might have been ironic, a vampire in a graveyard and all, but here was merely playing the odds. "Where do you live?" she demanded./p   
  
p"Why, so you can come and stake me tomorrow morning? Thanks, but I'll pass."/p  
  
pShe turned towards him, frustrated. "Where else are we going to go?"/p  
  
p"Why are we going anywhere?"/p  
  
p"Why not? You followed me this far."/p  
  
p"You think I'm that bloody easy to manipulate?"/p  
  
p"No, I iknow/i you're that easy to manipulate. Every time I even say Buffy's name, those cheap pants get just a little bit tighter."/p  
  
p"They aren't cheap. They're real sodding Levi originals."/p  
  
p"Bullshit. They're cheap imitation jeans that you can only wear because you hide them under that fucking coat. Who'd you steal that from?"/p  
  
p"Another of your kind. Maybe you'll be next."/p  
  
pShe laughed hollowly. "I don't have anything of value to steal, and anything that I do have looks better on me."/p  
  
p"I somehow doubt that."/p  
  
p"Anything you have would probably look better on me too."/p  
  
p"It's too bad I don't have a gag, then. Maybe you'd shut up for a minute."/p  
  
pShe examined him for a minute and then leaned back against a headstone. "No, I think that would look better on you."/p 


	20. 20 - Spike

pIf this had been even two years earlier, the whole Buffy obsession would be over./p  
  
pThis girl had everything Buffy had and then some./p  
  
pMore than that, she was willing to share some of that with him./p  
  
pHe wasn't quite sure how they'd gone from fighting in the graveyard to her wearing nothing but a black bra and leather pants while standing over him in a mausoleum somewhere between his place and the Bronze, most of his clothing tossed haphazardly over a coffin behind them, his hands tied to coat hooks on the wall with the remainder./p  
  
pBut he wasn't complaining./p  
  
pIt was a lot like dating Dru, except that this girl wasn't quite as insane./p  
  
pOr, more accurately, she was, but in a way that he understood./p  
  
pDru would have liked this Slayer./p  
  
pShe would have kept her as a pet./p  
  
pWatching the girl now, though, feeling her breath as it trailed down from the side of his face to his neck to his upper chest, he was wondering if she or Dru would have been in charge of that relationship./p  
  
pHer lips brushed across his nipples, and he arched away from the stone wall./p  
  
p"IFuck/i," he breathed./p  
  
pShe wasn't the Slayer he wanted./p  
  
pBut she'd do for now./p 


End file.
